Thursday, June 25, 2009


I'm walking on sunshine
claiming, as
I go along, my
little piece of heaven.
Divine providence,
sweet laughter of the gods
is my yellow brick road
where all movement
becomes dance.
Light feet follow
this new touch-me rythmn
now is endless, infinite and absolute.
Cradled in completeness,
a flower, closed now and potent
but rushing, rushing
inexorably towards bloom.

Monday, June 22, 2009

The female Libido

The human female sexual libido is allegedly far lesser than that of the male. So they tell us. Women are the ones who always have a headache, or are dead tired from a whole day of taking care of the kids, running a household, holding a job, blah blah blah, just name it.
At the end of the day she is usually too numb with exhaustion to even think about any form of sexual intercourse, not to talk of actually carrying out the act itself.
Man's world tells us that men, poor men, are the ones walking around with tons of unexpressed sexual energy weighing them down since they hardly have enough outlet for their massive libidos.
This is how life is in the everyday world.

These days I have been crossing paths with a growing number of women who clearly are not of this world. Women like myself who have more than enough of that goody goody stuff called libido to go around. Women like my friends who are clearly deeply "at home" in their bodies, who know how to connect to their own inner rhythm and ride on the waves of sexual energy. Women like us who have learned to harness this energy and deploy it in the very act of everyday living. Women who know what they want, who know how to enjoy, who are not afraid to truly claim the right to enjoy.
Women like this are an answer to every man's dreams right?

Ehhhhmm .... Houston, we have a problem.

As unbelievable as this may seem, recent "studies" have proved quite the contrary. It seems that a woman with a huge libido is not the answer to every mans' prayers because her amazingly generous libido may very well be of such proportions as to surpass his own; And believe me in the man's world this is not a good thing.

Where does this all leave him after he has given 2 or 3 rounds of his very best only to hear her say "and now ladies and gentlemen, let the show begin!"?

It might seem like fun in the beginning but after awhile the unease begins to set in as he starts to feel that the roles have been switched.
As one of my girlfriend aptly noted; a woman's libido is like a water tap, you open it and it just keeps running. A man's libido on the other hand, is like a balloon. You can only "blow" it (no pun intended) to it's fullest capacity which you discover when- and because it bursts.
The sense of unease on man's part is unfortunately unnecessarily coupled with a sense of inadequacy on his part; which is strange because if the roles were reversed, there are not many women who feel inadequate when they tell their partner for the umpteenth time they would prefer to get some sleep.
Somehow most men when they reach this point cannot shrug their shoulders like women do in reversed roles and just accept things as they are. Instead they try for a while to match her pace, then when this fails, and their sense of unease increases, they are at a loss: Society never really prepared them for situations like this. If he, the almighty hunter becomes aware that her sexual prowess has exceeded his, where does this then leave him?
What is wrong with him? No, what is wrong with her? Why does she have to be the one to rock the boat; to change the natural god-given order of things?

It is at this point that names like slut, nympho and oversexed come in to stay. She is not viewed as normal any longer but as a freak of nature. The light of his libido actually seems to pale and diminish because of the power of hers.

What a shame that we live in a world where man's libido serves as the status quo.
Where to want it more than he does is just not done; where it seems to me that men so desperately need to be perceived as the ones with the larger libido, that when confronted with the absurdity of this myth they choose to feel threatened and treat her as unnatural.

What exactly is the origin of this fear?

As a very self knowing woman once said: There's a little bit of hooker in every woman; a little bit of hooker and a little bit of god.

So guys, please, get over it.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

The Gift of Dialogue

What are your discussions about? How often do you engage another in dialogue?
Humanity in all it's beauty and peculiarity is an all-time favourite of mine.
The beauty of dialogue is not to convince the other to depart from his views by deploying tricks and expounding facts and figures.
The true value of dialogue lies in self exploration. Why is my standpoint A as opposed to B? What does this teach me about who I am? How far am I willing to go to explore the principles of B? Will I loose A along the way? If this is a possibilty, is this a bad thing?

Am I wearing my standpoint A as a loose comfortable jacket which I am free to adjust or even discard along the way as I traverse or have I dissapeared entirely within A?

Dialogue is a way of getting to know two people: the other and myself. The Other, to whom I am most grateful, is my mirror and my boundary lines. Thanks to her I am engaged in a continual process of getting to know myself.
Thanks to her, it is so much clearer to see where I stand and where I could go. It is so much clearer to see why I stand where I stand and to know that everystep along the way is my responsiblity to decide whether I choose to be a fundamentalist; (one who is not willing to explore B simply because the fear of losing who she is because of A ) or to be a conscious party in my own inevitable process of evolution.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

If life gives you a lemon....

Sometimes we invariably find ourselves in regrettable situations. Still, I will always be the first one to say that if life gives you a lemon, make lemonade.

Today a very talented and artistic good friend and client of mine involuntarily started work as a "voluntary" aid, an administrative assistant within a performance art company. His situation was a peculiar and private one. There was nothing truly voluntary about it; the truth was actually that he was compelled by the government forces-that-be to spend 6 months of his time doing soul-deadening work in the form of communty service or pay a substantial fine.
The first interview boardered on disaster because try as he might, he could not hide the fact that he was a radical, pioneer, leader and visionary, that he dreaded having to do what he was forced to do and that he would rather spend his time exploring, challenging and creating new company policy than filing away old documents.The 2nd and final interview was crucial because he had to convince himself and the company director that there was something good in the situation for both of them.
However before he left for the interview, I presented him with a challenge:
I asked him to make lemonade. I challenged him to go into a situation he loathed and to come out as the winner.
Come out with something great; no consolation prizes or secondrated feel-good bullshit trophies. No, he had to come out with the bounty itself. By way of tools, I told him about Ecademy and What's for Dinner and I used the simple adage that every disadvantage has it's advantage(s)and sent him off.

And boy, did he win!

He won not by humbly agreeing to do what was expected of him (in that case any moron would do) or because he hid his genius and kissed ass.
He won by opening himself to the true power of networking. The bounty for him lay in the fact he disovered that opportunity knocks on all doors when you listen.
He suddenly realised that it was entirely up to him to either spend 6 months of his life archiving old documents or spend 6 months telling his story, sharing his passion and by doing this build a strong and valuable network for those things in his life that matter.

I guess he made lemonade.


Tuesday, June 16, 2009

What's for Dinner!

Recently My partner and I started a club Ecademy Zaanstreek, which is a sub group of Ecademy, the online international social business club. I have learnt a lot and have had loads of fun through Ecademy and the books of Seth Godin and I’m still learning everyday.
We are true believers of the power of networking, the power of social media, the principles of winning by sharing and power of the Purple Cow
We have taken the concept of social networking one step further wih our platform: What's for Dinner! The concept is perfectly simple: We have tested and discovered that when strangers get together to share a meal within the safety, warmth and familiarity of a homey environment, something amazing usually happens.
What’s for Dinner! actually functions as a leverage, facilitating offline social networking. The very nature of the setting expedites and enhances the building of long-lasting strongly connected networks as people somehow tend to let their guard down easier like this. This, as opposed to networking รก la Old Style where people circled and approached each other like sharks, in their stuffy self important masks, wielding and peddling their business cards like trophies and deluding themselves as they wasted precious time.
Here, the foods is a really delicious 3 course, healthy, slow and soul food and the exciting part is that at the end, you get to decide the value of the meal and evening and reward us accordingly.
One might wonder how on earth I came upon an idea like this. Well my only true answer is that as an african, meals and mealtimes have always played a special role in community(building). Sharing meals is like a social thermometer, a traditional way of coming together, showing your strenghts and vulnerability, a way for kids to adopt social skills like taking others into consideration and learning that the survival of all depends on the support of all. (In the villages families usually eat from one bowl together.)
During these meals, friendships and alliances are reinforced, dissonances are laid to rest, strangers are shown courtesy and accorded a warm welcome; winning through sharing becomes apparent when everyone realises that by just eating enough and not more, all bellies get filled.

The adults tactfully refrain after awhile so that the little ones to who need the nutrients harder, can eat and grow. This concept can be transffered to business networks: Welcome the stranger, share what you have and give the Up-and-coming an honest chance to enable them grow.
This is what we do with What's for Dinner!
There is an African saying: I am, because we are.

For me networking has become more than just a way of life. Through What’s for dinner! we are doing what we do best and along the way, our savvy new business called Natural Born Networkers just created itself. We do it all by using social media and the purple cow for the evolution of networking.
….and we’re loving it!

Monday, June 1, 2009

On Friendship

If you can survive 11 days in cramped quarters with a friend and come out laughing, your friendship is the real deal.
OPRAH WINFREY, O Magazine, Aug. 2006

Have no friends not equal to yourself.
CONFUCIUS, The Wisdom of Confucius
Even the utmost good-will and harmony and practical kindness are not sufficient for Friendship, for Friends do not live in harmony merely, as some say, but in melody. We do not wish for Friends to feed and clothe our bodies--neighbors are kind enough for that--but to do the like office to our spirits.